Why do I do this?

Carrie told me I should post about the reasons I am trying to lose weight, exercise and be my best self. I have thought about this several times in the last few months and years....but especially since I started this challenge. I know that one of the first things that comes to my mind is that I am doing this for my kids. My kids have overweight genetics on both sides of the family. Not only that but both grandpas have diabetes. We have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and cancer, and who knows what else. The odds are not in our favor. So I want to give my kids the best chance possible of living a healthy, long, and fun life. I actually think that exercise is fun. There are many people who may look at me like I am crazy but I truly enjoy it. Not always, but most of the time. I love to pick up my kids from school on Wednesdays and take them to a nearby mountain to  hike up. I love looking over the scenic mountain top and enjoying the crisp air and knowing that we did something hard TOGETHER.  I love telling them how much I love living in this area where we can drive 2 miles down the road and go on an amazing hike. I love that we are doing the Whiskey Row race together. I love that they are willing to pay for a third of the price because they so badly want to walk/run with grandpa and grandma. I love that Mike bought me a bike a couple of years ago. I am going to start taking the girls on bike roads around the lake just across the street from my house. Clearly exercise is usually not the problem for me. I've enjoyed it for as long as I can remember. I have the energy, the desire and the commitment. I guess the hard part is the eating part. I have become a stress eater, a bored eater, a social eater. A downright emotional eater. I don't want my kids to see that or think that's how they should deal with their emotions. I don't want them to think it's okay to down a bag of potato chips or carton of ice cream or bag of cookies (I've never actually done that but I felt like I wanted to and would've easily forged ahead). I want my kids to feel the stress, acknowledge it, and then turn to healthy outlets of dealing with it. I'm still trying to figure out healthy outlets. Exercise is one of them. I think that is why I enjoy it so much. It releases the feel good hormones and just makes me feel downright good because I accomplished something hard. I love my kids so much and I want to be a good example to them. My 2nd reason for doing this is because when I am turning my bad habits around and making goals and commitments and doing hard things it just makes me feel good and downright happy. And who doesn't want those things in their life? When I start to slide on the eating and exercise I feel like other things in my life start to slide:my house cleaning, my relationships, how I treat my kids/husband. But especially the way that I feel about myself. I'm not a person that is depressed or sad. I am generally happy and try to enjoy life. But there was a time in my life where depression took over. I couldn't eat,drink, sleep, pray, drive, go to school, without feeling a deep and dark weight surrounding me. It overtook me like nothing else I've ever felt. Intense feelings, thoughts and doubts took over my life. I don't normally share these feelings. But I think it's important to realize that one of the reasons I am doing this is because I am emotionally strong and capable of handling hard things that come my way when I am physically strong. I could get all spiritual right now but I'm not. I just know that for me I will always be striving to eat nutritiously and exercise. My physical health is as important as my mental and emotional health. Those are my top reasons I may seem overly obsessed about being healthy and fit.

Food log for Wed.

I felt hungry today. I don't know if that meant my metabolism is working harder or what. I went a little over my calories again. I don't want to eat trail mix anymore. The calories add up too fast and it isn't very filling. The kids and I hiked up Thumb Butte (with Claire in a hiking pack). It took 40 minutes up and 25 minutes down. It was a great workout and I enjoyed my protein bar at the top as we overlooked the beautiful scenery.
1. Protein shake (with pb/frozen bananas/flax seed)
trail mix
250 Calories
2. Oatmeal
Egg beaters
trail mix
290 Calories
3. Turkey sandwich (no cheese, no mayo)
Clementine and salad, sugar free dressing
5 wheat thins
240 Calories
4. 3 nibbles of low fat cookie (Ha,ha. I took a little nibble out of each of my kids' cookie)
2 whooper eggs (hey no judging , I needed some quick energy for my intense hike)
Protein bar
clementine
265 calories
5. Chicken/apple/craisen/sunflower seed salad
sugar free dressing
a small helping of Quinoa/pork
230 calories
6. 1 cup Sugar free jello
10 calories
About 1285 Calories

Food log for Tues

I did great today! I felt like I had plenty of energy...even after running 4 miles. I didn't feel hungry at all. I loved my chicken salad at dinner. Seriously one of the best salads I've made. It was soooo yummy and easy. I hit all of my goals except that I went over just a tad bit on my calories. I drank a lot of water but didn't keep track of it. I need to tally up the cups I drink for the day. I normally drink 80 to 100 oz a day.
Side note: I am proud of you Carrie! Even with an injury you are still going at it. The eating part is 80 percent of looking and feeling good. So keep at it and keep doing that core work. You'll be able to pick the rest of it up when you heal.

1. 8 am
Lower sugar maple & brown sugar oatmeal with 2 T fat free milk
1/4 cup egg beaters
230 Calories
2. 11:30 (normally I eat at 11 but I was on my run)
Apple
Light string cheese
150 Calories
3. 2 pm
Oatmeal Toasters-Cranberry Orange(1st time trying this. It was tasty)
with 12 spritz of butter spray
1 T sugar free apricot preserves
170 Calories
Side salad with 2 T sugar free raspberry dressing
6 pieces of deli turkey
80 Calories

So far at 630 Calories

4. 4 pm
Protein bar
200 Calories

5. 6:15 pm
Chicken, Craisen & Sunflower seed salad
with sugar free raspberry dressing
6 wheat thins
275 calories

6. 9  pm
1/4 cup Trail mix
160 calories
Total is 1265 calories

Getting back on track

After having a free day on Saturday night and Sunday it has been hard to get back on track. I did so good yesterday until about 6 pm. I was making dinner for my family and was "tasting" it. It was pretty dang good. I made quiona for the first time and mixed it with some canned chicken and cream cheese. I spread it on wheat thins, cut up some apples and threw a salad together. By the time it was said and done I had pretty much eaten my calories for the day. So I just had a big salad with sugar free raspberry dressing. After our FHE  and putting the kids to bed I ran to the store. While there my husband asked me to get some discounted Easter candy....which I swore I wouldn't touch. I got home and next thing you know I was sharing that cadburry egg with Mike and ripping open a small bag of mini cadburry eggs and digging in the freezer for cookies. Dang Easter candy! I woke up this morning feeling a little defeated and wondering if I had the determination to meet my goals today. So I decided to keep myself accountable I am going to post my food log on this blog for the next few days until I get back on track. My goal is to run 4 miles today, eat 1250 calories or less, stick to the BFL eating plan, and eat 1-2 fruits, and 2 salads. So stay tuned; tonight I'll be posting my food blog
I love this quote: